Written by j.w.
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Friday, 10 December 2010

image for Keith Richards 'Life' ends in Death
Rare Orchid Remembered

Rolling Stones guitarist, Keith Richards, whilst promoting his memoir entitled 'Life' sadly ended the life of an orchid, it is alleged.

This rare flower was at the New York Public Library and, relaxing, Richards lit up and had a smoke in a back room with the window open so the smoke would join the fun in the New York air.

Imagine the cries of pain as Library assistant Fleur Stone discovered the smoke from Richards smoke and the cold air had combined to give the orchid a bad cough and cold.

Fleur wept as she described the slow decay of the flower over four agonising days. Even mouth to mouth breathing by Keith and a breathless Fleur could not stop the orchid's slow drift to its demise.

An investigation by New York Police has revealed that Richards must have smoked something very strong to cause this sort of fatal damage and samples from a cigarette butt have been taken away for analysis.

Richard, 69, complains that he can't 'get no satisfaction' since the orchid has died. He told me that, as far as he could remember, the orchid was unaffected by his presence and suspects there could be another cause of the plants death. His lawyer has taken soil from the orchids special tub for testing. Arsenic is suspected. A theory is emerging that Fleur, jealous of the orchid gaining all the attention, decided to kill the flower.

New York traffic was brought to a halt at noon today to remember the orchid and all that it meant to America.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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