Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Topics: wine

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for Wine Fans Discredit "Stuck-Up" Survey

Stuck-up wine twonks who believe that the British are plebs when it comes to wine have been told where to shove a survey they carried out to prove their theory.

According to their survey, 58 per cent of Brits think Chablis is a grape variety (it is a district in the Burgundy region), 43 per cent think Chardonnay is a region (it is a grape) and 16 per cent are unaware that Champagne is a French region.

The survey also found that when buying wine 23 per cent reckon they can be swayed by a pretty bottle.

But the survey has been pooh-poohed by a national drinkers' organisation.

Dilbert Lush, chair of the Modest Quencher Appreciation Society, said: "This survey was carried out by a bunch of stuck-up Francophile wine snobs who can't stand the idea that ordinary folk like a tipple.

"And what kind of results do they expect if they ask a bunch of ten-year-olds?

"That's what they did - they went along to the set of Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old and asked the kids.

"Well, they might know their Roald Dahl and their nature for six-year-olds, but they knew diddly-squat about plonk!

"And anyway, who gives a monkey's? These are just a bunch of tossers who spit out their wine anyway!

"We Brits like our wine and we don't care for fancy names, grapes and regions. Is it 13 per cent? Is it less than £8? That'll do nicely, thank you.

"Simples. Eak."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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