LONDON - Wikileaks has published 57 linear feet of toilet paper detailing Julian Assange's high-tech plan to be broken out of London's Wandsworth prison.
The plan consists of Assange apparently being officially transferred to another prison on Monday, when in fact he will be handed over to disguised Wikileaks operatives. The plan illustrates the sophistication of pro-Wikileaks cyberhackers. Counterfeit magnetic-strip security cards, forged transfer orders, and jammed surveillance signals are involved in the elaborate escape.
The document describing the plan was leaked by his prison cellmate, Lowton "Down Low" Skoobnye. Skoobnye stated, "Information wants to be free. Without total transparency, a democracy cannot function. Also, Assange is my bitch, and he's gonna do all his whistleblowing right in this cell."