Former footballer Paul Gascoigne has been given a suspended prison sentence after he admitted drinking and driving. In fact, when he was apprehended, weaving all over the road, he was also juggling with a pair of oranges.
Officers had to use a 'stinger', a string of metal barbs laid across the road, in order to bring the piss-head to an halt.
He defended his actions at the scene by telling officers: "Look, 50,000 died from driving last year and 10,000 died from drinking. I know that only 500 died from drink driving. Then again, only 2 people died from drink driving and juggling. So it's bloody obvious that it's by far the safest way to go."
Gazza said he was sorry as he left court, but clearly hasn't learned anything by it. Asked whether he would do it again he relied, "I know drink driving is wrong, but sometimes I've just got to do it.
How else will the kids get to school?"