Written by ExiledRoyal
Print this
Topics: DUI, Paul Gascoigne

Thursday, 9 December 2010

image for Paul Gascoigne given suspended drink-driving sentence
Gazza parked up outside Newcastle Magistrates Court

Former footballer Paul Gascoigne has been given a suspended prison sentence after he admitted drinking and driving. In fact, when he was apprehended, weaving all over the road, he was also juggling with a pair of oranges.

Officers had to use a 'stinger', a string of metal barbs laid across the road, in order to bring the piss-head to an halt.

He defended his actions at the scene by telling officers: "Look, 50,000 died from driving last year and 10,000 died from drinking. I know that only 500 died from drink driving. Then again, only 2 people died from drink driving and juggling. So it's bloody obvious that it's by far the safest way to go."

Gazza said he was sorry as he left court, but clearly hasn't learned anything by it. Asked whether he would do it again he relied, "I know drink driving is wrong, but sometimes I've just got to do it.
How else will the kids get to school?"

Make ExiledRoyal's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 4?

3 8 2 5
43 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more