Glastonbury, Wilts - (Apocalyptic Mess): Planted as a tiny cutting by Joseph of Arimathea circa 34AD the Holy Thorn of Wearyall Hill was destroyed by cosmic fire last night.
Onlookers reported a giant space fireball streaking across the evening sky destroyed the 2,000 year-old Crataegus Monogyna whorethorn.
The majestic shrub has graced Glastonbury's sacred landscape despite the ravages of time and tide.
Legend has it that its destruction will herald the end of a tyranny imposed on the good but gullible people of Albion.
A twig from the sacred specimen has traditionally been cut for use at the Queen's Christmas table.
"She'll have to make do this year with a bit of Poison Ivy instead," royal household sources commented this afternoon.
Prince Philip is in a straightjacket.