Written by Rob Stimpson
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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

The latest attempt by the PC-police to clean up our racist and hate fuelled society has ended with China declaring war on the United Kingdom.

It all started last month, when a group of moaning hippy do-gooders demanded that the government make some changes to our society in order to try and please every single gender, social class and subculture and race in the world. They claimed that "it was the British thing to do, and we shouldn't let anyone down. We hate it when people get upset."

After weeks of arduous, grinding meetings, several major changes were made to improve life in the UK in order to make everything more harmonious. Firstly, Mince Pies were renamed 'Christmas Cakes' in order to avoid offending homosexuals. Secondly, The White Album by The Beatles was removed from shelves across the countries as it was deemed to be too racist to too many people.

Next, for the same reason, the term 'black coffee' was forever banished from the land. Whiteboards in schools and offices have been removed because it is racist against white people, and for similar reasons, they could not be replaced with blackboards; instead, people were just encouraged to write on the walls and paint over their words when they were done.

Furthermore, the rhyme "knick-knack paddy whack" was banned as it was claimed it could insight violence against the Irish. The term "brain-storming" was also banished as it was thought to be offensive to sufferers of epilepsy. And under no circumstances whatsoever was anyone allowed to smile or, heaven forbid, laugh, when mentioning religion.

During the new conference to reveal these changes to life in the UK, however, Prime Minister David Cameron seemed baffled by the changes, and claimed that "it's all Chinese to me." Within seconds, the Chinese government had declared war on the UK via Twitter on the grounds of 'racial hatred and the presumption that the Chinese language is difficult to understand.' D-Cam, though, claimed that he would treat this threat as Chinese whispers until a bomb landed in Downing Street.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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