Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Royal Wedding sanitary towel shocker!
This towel design fearturing Charles is deemed off-piste

London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): The Palace has cracked down on tacky royal wedding memorabilia.

The Lord Chambermaid Lord Peel said today he's banning special edition sanitary pads.

These include popular loss leader Always the Bridesmaid/Never the Bride, market No 1 Royal BusyBodyForm and specialist protector Dr Shite's Looped Royal Towels For Heavy (Wedding) Days.)

In deference to Prince William's fledgeling RAF career Lord Peel has sanctioned commemorative Stayfree Ultra Thins Plus Super Deodorant Maxis With Wings - as long as pics of the wedding couple are from official photographs only.

Citing previous royal wedding merchandising rules going back to Charles and Camilla's nuptials Lord Peel said Tenner Lady Maxi Pads were permitted 'as long as they didn't imply the newly created Duchess was a cheapskate'.

Royal wedding industry sources reminded the Palace today that the first retailers to offer Kate & Wills Royal Wedding mugs were Woolworths.

The failed high street chain subsequently went into liquidation forcing the mass destruction of 5 million cups.

Next year's 29 April nuptial ceremony takes place on Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun's 65th wedding anniversary.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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