TheSpoof.com Editor in Chief, Mark Lowton, apologized for the temporary shut down of the popular humour site after it was overwhelmed with hundreds of thousands of submissions from veteran as well as long missing writers after he announced his "Holiday Double Points" promotion.
"I'm overwhelmed, overmatched, overworked, and under staffed," said the harried arbiter of cheesy stories.
"I wanted to have a little holiday promotion for the writers, God knows they don't get paid nearly enough, and it just went horribly wrong! "
Lowton said he came up with the idea after a local retail outlet offered double coupon savings bringing in customers from all over Britain, boosting sales, and helping to get rid of outdated, overstocked, and just plain 'crap' items.
"I just figured this was a way at the end of the year for our writers to unload a bunch of their crap stories they had been holding on their writer's desk that really weren't any good. At this time of the year, our readership will snap up anything dealing with sex, genitals, football scandals, Isle of Wight, and even never ending serials. I looked on it like a giant garage sale so the writers
could clean their desk up and start fresh in the coming year!"
Lowton went on to say how he seriously underestimated the "amount of pure crap lurking out there," saying he was faced with a "250k recycled story dump from India, 1500 pieces from Scotland that were nothing more than a provocative title followed by a 45 word rant, and the usual psychic babble from the overeducated sort that had a high opinion of themselves!"
Lowton did hasten to add, however, that not everything was this chaotic, and there were a few bright, encouraging moments.
"First, Fergus McCarthy submitted 3 stories, doubling his output from the last 6 months, which certainly made his long suffering fans happy! Lady G curtailed her Forum Posts where she was on a pace to soon catch up with Skoob, and managed to pen a dozen stories detailing Canadian drinking Humour, and even Erskine said his creative juices were restored and rewrote the Oxford dictionary in a great magazine 52 part serial!"
A quick survey of other writers busy with their Christmas chores indicated they were all hard at work.
Said Birbee from Yorkshire, " Well with all this snow, I've locked meself down and am pouring out S*****e as fast as I can type. Amazing what a little incentive can do...and I've already picked my lucky number for how many stories will be logged in this month!"
Martin Shuttlecock was too busy to talk long but did complain, " me wife Anne is highly pissed! I have all these toys and gadgets to put together for the kids, but I can't be arsed....I keep looking behind me and a bunch of the new lads keep gaining on me....talk to you after the new year!"
Colonel Juan's publicist, Hector Gomez, commenting from Bolivia on the Colonels absence since November 8th said, "CJ has closeted himself in his villa for a month and is stockpiling stories to be dumped December 24, the night of the Oasis Bar & Grill Christmas Party. His production is going to make Assange's look like a spec of fly shite!"
Monkey Woods said he is reprising his "Man on a Bus" chronicles, but said, "I had to make a few changes due to my hasty relocation...I'll be riding in a pedicab in the new series, but the characters are more interesting!"
Reporting from Amsterdam, JO said he is nearly finished with his new crime series, and is pondering whether to put it in the magazine section, or move it to the "Crime & Entertainment" section..."I really need the points," he said wistfully, " so I think in the end, the mag section is out!"
Bureau said he was taking it easy over the holidays, "shit, this promotion stuff gives me a pain in the arse, I've got enough stuff stockpiled to last until April, so I'm taking a break...catch me if you can!"
Lowton said despite his work load, due to site traffic, advertising revenue is up, and as a token of his appreciation will donate the flower arrangement for the Oasis Christmas party. "I think a dozen daffodils will due nicely, don't you?" he asked pensively to no one in particular.