Citing 'humanitarian compassion' conjoined coalition co-captain Nick Clegg granted a pass to Wikileaks in hiding founder Julian Assange arranging extradition to Libya due to Assange's declaration he only had 'weeks to live!"
Clegg took the extraordinary action whilst co-administrator Dave Cameron decided to extend his maternity leave after his baby, England's bid to host the 2018 World Cup, was still born.
Clegg also vehemently denied he was 'caving in' over threats Assange made about certain 'doomsday' revelations he said would bring down the monarchy and lead to civil war amongst members of the UK and a 'blood bath' on the Isle of Wight!
Assange, who has been in hiding somewhere in England was denied a super injunction to keep his personal life, twitter accounts, and Facebook pages secret, claiming "If you release my personal junk I could die!"
A barrister named by the court introduced evidence, that indeed his client could die shortly from several as yet confirmed threats to his health, but deemed credible non the less.
The court was shown a collection of items that Assange said he had received in recent days leading to the conclusion that he had contracted a fatal disease attributed to a bad case of oral diarrhea.
There was the tin of expensive caviar and a specially distilled bottle of Vodka from Vladmir Putin. Julian became suspicious when upon unwrapping the gift he found it to be encased in a specially inscribed lead presentation case.
Just days ago, whilst braving the weather to retrieve the morning Guardian, Julian found an extra large black rolling suitcase on his door step with the inscription "Enjoy your upcoming trip, mind that you lock up!" MI-5 has denied any knowledge of the gift calling it a sick joke probably from a disgruntled student.
Later in the afternoon a model of a CIA drone was found on the railing of his stoop with the cryptic message, "Congratulations....you won!"
From France came a free ticket on the Concord, and Italy sent a picture post card of Mussolini 'just hanging out."
Assange will be joining miraculously recovered Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi, the convicted Lockerbie bomber responsible for blowing up 270 citizens, in a posh government funded retreat.
While Assange's final death toll will not be known for months, and possibly years, Libya's demented leader, Moammar Qadhafi, looking like the character "The Joker" in the Batman comics, said "Being able to protect Julian in his time of need only proves Libya's leading position in pursuing & enforcing Human Rights! "
Contributing to the humanitarian effort, Israel said it would be handling security and flight accommodations for Assange on el Al, the World's safest airline. "After all" said a spokesman for Mossad, "what could possibly go wrong...he'll be in our safe hands!"