Buckingham Palace is 'delighted' over the 'announcement by Clarence House' that Kate Middleton is to appear in a series of photographs by famed photographer Mario Testino. The Palace says 'we applaud the choice of Mr. Testino, whose gifted work has produced many enduring portraits of the Royal Family.'
Royal hagiographers, translating the comments, say what it really means is they're shitting bricks.
"Line by line then," said astute Royal interpreter Juan Knight-Stand. " 'Delighted,' anything but. 'Announcement by Clarence House': news at this end of Mall - again. 'Applaud the choice', ship sailed. 'Enduring portraits', Diana, Diana, Diana, Diana."
Prince William's desire to find means to include his mother in wedding events was voiced by the Prince himself, followed by deafening silence from the rest of the Royal infrastructure. Since that time royal watchers have speculated on everything from whether Diana's iconic Emmanuel wedding gown can be hemmed to an Elton John re-working of the Jolson era standard "I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl Who married Dear Old Dad."
"The remembrance, the ring, the snapper... they're terrified this could be Diana with a husband on her side for once," said Knight-Stand. "And in their books, Diana makes Cromwell a fond memory."
"Not at all!" briefed a drunken, vaguely hysterical Palace Press Man, Lord Hamish Snobworth VIIXCM. "We're delighted by everything. Really delighted. Incandescent, actually. Couldn't be more pleased. People's wedding, people's everything. Up with people, yes indeedy. Delighted. Really delighted. Not losing the plot. Not losing control. No, no. Not at all. Happy, happy, happy."
Unconfirmed are reports the level of surveillance on Andrew Morton has been increased.