Written by Deafo
Print this

Saturday, 4 December 2010

image for Illegal immigrant families 'delight' at temporary extension of HGV working hours
'Please have you boarding card ready, monsieur'

A traveling family of illegal immigrants awaiting transportation from France to England on a heavy goods vehicle are said to be 'delighted' at the government's announcement that it has temporarily relaxed the legal restrictions on the length of time lorry drivers can work.

The government says hauliers are to be allowed to drive for an extra hour for the next four days to help ease the backlog in delivering 'vital supplies' around the country.

Family 'spokesperson' 'Tatya' said, 'Amazing! This is great news for us! We were scheduled to be parked up in a freezing cold motorway services car park on an enforced rest half an hour away from our destination.'

'So rather than waiting for our lorry driver to return from his pursuit of conviction evading sex in a secluded area, we will now have arrived at our Harlesdon whore, sorry, warehouse where we will spend the next ten years working off our transfer fee as a family.'

Transport Secretary Phillip Hammond warned the traveling immigrants to bring sustenance so that they wouldn't be feasting on the 'vital supplies' of the British people.

'We would expect them, or anyone else considering the arduous trip, to bring provisions to cover the course of their journey.'

'There is enough time for them to suckle at the teat of mother Britain, without robbing from us before they have had the decency to show us their grubby little faces.'

'I recommend peanuts as they are easily packed and are particularly good for energy supply.'

French 'Immigration Officials' in Calais said the governments announcement saw a significant rise in the number of illegal immigrants they were ignoring as they boarded lorries bound for Britain.

'All we can say, is this. There has been a vast increase in the amount of things we have not seen.'

Make Deafo's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 1?

4 22 7 6
53 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more