Written by Charpa93
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Saturday, 4 December 2010

image for Brit Skis Off Snow-Covered Roof Finishing Off Neighbor's Downed Gazebo

Local resident, Bartlett Peare was so excited to see snow in his neighborhood that he couldn't wait to get out and play in it. Having bought a pair of old snow skis at the local charity shop, Peare was quite eager to try them out. However, short on cash due to the recent downturn in the economy meant he'd have to find an alternative place to utilize the snow he watched falling out his front window.

Then it hit him. "The roof is slanted innit?" he said to himself as he went to the closet and dug out the skis.

He then went to the shed and dug out the ladder and before he knew it, he was up on his slippery roof putting on his prized skis. "Oh I'm one happy little bugger," he said to himself, "happy and smart at that," he continued to verbally pat himself on the back.

The thing is, Barlett might have been happy, but smart? Nay, most who knew him definitely would differ on that description. In fact, Barlett was and always has been accident prone, which, as we will see later is quite the coincidence when we discover just whose yard the poor sod landed in.

Standing at the apex of the roof, one ski on the left slope and one ski on the right slope, Bartlett scouted the terrain. If he slid down the left slope, he'd have a chance of landing on the soft snow that blanketed his wife's hyacinth bushes. However, if he skied down the right side of the roof, he would hit smack dab in the middle of his neighbors back yard, which incidentally still had the ruins of a downed gazebo near the fence line.

Barlett aimed for the left slope, that is, until his right foot slid out from under him and instead, skied (or rather bumbled his way) straight down the right slope and onto the downed gazebo, laying to rest finally any hope that once spring arrived, the gazebo would be resurrected.

His neighbor, Martin Shuttlecock, known himself for being somewhat accident prone (hence the downed gazebo) witnessed the whole thing while standing in his front yard, taking in the beauty, the wonder and splendour of the new-fallen snow as well as his new-fallen neighbor.

"For once," claimed Shuttlecock, "it was good to see someone else take the knocks. That's what the bastard gets for owning that bastard dog of his." And with that, Shuttlecock went back inside, turned on the telly, cracked open a fresh Stella and watched his favorite football team win for a change.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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