Written by Lore
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Friday, 3 December 2010

Well, according to the local newspapers, the England bid was stitched up from the start by the Russian mafia that according to Wikileaks run the place. Good for them I say. Compared to the UK, they know how to run a country. No one moans over there about their miserable lot. Not because they might be happy about it, but instead of benefit bailouts, the Russians simply give them something to genuinely moan about - like having their legs amputated with a chain saw and then make the grateful victim pay for the petrol.

No, the REAL reason the well organised and elegantly presented English bid was undermined and doomed to failure was due to Steven Spielberg. Yup, in another top secret Wikileak, it seems that the FIFA voting executive committee (less the English one), corrupt and rotten to the core as only dagos and foreigners are pictured daily in the Daily Mail can be, were shown extracts of Spielberg's upcoming block buster film The Adventures of Tintin - Tintin in England

Originally, when Spielberg started work on the film, it was supposed to be Tintin in the Congo, but that was panned when it became apparent Spielberg wouldn't ever be invited to the Whitehouse by America's No1 butler, Uncle Barrack, because the monkeys portrayed talked more sense than the pentagon. Hence - Tintin in England.

Set in 1966, it accurately portrays how the English fans, in coordinated yob fashion, taught the opposition fans lessons in aggravated aggro and went on to beat up so many of them, that the then Prime Minister, Harold Wilson considered to send them against Rhodesia. Traumatised members of FIFA were overheard to mutter 'sacré bleu and vodka stroganoff' as they left the screening. In a top secret meeting held later in the local pub in a 5 star hotel, many were obviously more than determined to vote for Russia after they were caught singing 'Diamonds are Forever', together on the Karaoke, and laughingly referred to the England bid as a James Bond 'that fires only blanks'. This was obviously a reference to the pole dance put on for their benefit by Prime Minister Putin's 'The Spy who Loved Me', Anna Chapman.

Spoiler Alert - We can reveal that in the film, Snowy, the faithful fox terrier, is seen humping the Queen's corgis and is subsequently served up stuffed with Sage and Ebola, as a starter for the subsequently final losing German football team. Amazingly, when they asked what the delicacy was, they were told it was 'English Schweinehund'. That of course is a lie, as Snowy is from Belgium.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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