The bicycle riding, toasted cheese sandwich, pickle egg sucking editor of the Spoof.Com today, said he was giving in to new government demands to include more women and the 'less articulate' in addition to other 'minorities' in a drive to provide 'a more diverse approach to lies, damned lies and made up stories' on the popular site.
Lynne Featherstone, the new government "equalities" minister had threatened the editor, whose name can not be revealed just yet due to a super injunction granted by a metrosexual judge in Manchester , to " deny his request for a renewal of the Spoof's Humour License " using Human Rights laws promulgated by the Council of Ministers in Brussels under a new mandate regulating humour in the EU, or as one long time Spoofer said, " EU Humour...now thats an oxymoron, mate,innit?"
Feathertone demanded a change in the Spoof's hiring and pay (sic) practices after it was revealed late yesterday that founder Julian Paul Assange, denied access to all his sites, was begging the Spoof.com to be his new outlet for his brand of international humour, which was branded by Coalition Leader Dave Cameron, "as not up to our usual standards, and certainly less funny than even Cherie Blair's shopping list!"
In coercing the Spoof management team (sic), Featherstone threatened
the site with a 'gender pay-point audit', when it was charged popular female writers on the site were receiving less points while authoring works at least equal, if not better in some circumstances, than their male counterparts.
Featherstone also questioned the site's policy of discriminating against inarticulate writers from certain provinces who couldn't write or punctuate a coherent sentence as "inhumane, bullying, and unacceptable behaviour depriving the majority of the populace a voice with which they could identify."
Looking ahead to the future, a former writer with a PhD and alleged psychic
powers said, " Finally, for the first time in my life I've found a writing site
suitable for my skills, and one I can be proud of...especially since it's been ordered that all stories are meant to be read from right to left!"
Penning a tweet from Scotland, a former writer, now reinstated under the new mandate wrote, "bout tim,innit, that we,as reel writers, be offered a place komensrte wit are talunts to rite stuff dat a bloke ken understandt...sod those
artikulate kind that thing theyre better den the restofus...Bestards!"
The Spoof management announced this morning that they would be hiring at least 2 more editorial assistants, 4 translators, and adding several new
categories to their story board.
Included in the additions will be :
*Explosive Muslim News from Around the World
* Transgender dating tips "Dress for Success"
*Understanding Russian Soccer
*A weekly column on Gay Pets
*Insider tips from Readers for the job shy, or,' How I Beat the System'
*DYI instructional pieces including "How to build a sturdy Gazebo"
*Ruminations from Romania including travel tips and how to take advantage of free lodging and discount government coupons.
"Well," said one regular scribe, " the good thing is readership will probably go up, the bad thing is probably unless they add pictures to the stories, no one will even click on 'em....ignorant BASTARDS!"