A drunk person caused quite a stir in a local boozer this evening, by consistently swearing and not standing up straight.
The drunk, a young woman of demure stature was enjoying her evening, when she suddenly and unexpectedly had 'one over the eight'.
Picking on patrons indiscriminately, hurling abuse and profanity with gay abandon (but not in a gay way) the drunk was ushered out of the establishment.
Unfortunately, the age old invention of the 'door' has it's flaws. Upon leaving, the personage was fully able to re-enter the building by merely turning around and 'walking back in', say witnesses.
"If I'd locked the door, then people in the pub would have been trapped inside," said landlord Terry Knob, "so I had to leave it open, but the biatch just span round and came back in!"
"I was apparently a 'complete c--t' for throwing her out, and she demanded more booze," he continued, "what could I do?"
He served her another large pinot grigio.
After downing a gobfull, the 'lady' promptly punched a passing local and called the barmaid a 'bitch', or something very similar, reports are varied as her speech was incredibly slurred.
After ten minutes of name-calling and staggering, the 'lady' fell to the floor, hitting her head.
Witnesses say she is still there.
'Booze Britain' is often named and shamed as the cause of this sort of problem in our society.
This reporter blames people who can't handle their ale.
And those that serve them.
More as we get another round in.