Written by IainB
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Topics: Theft, Time

Thursday, 2 December 2010

image for Procrastinators arrested for stealing time
This taking too long

Many people have asked themselves where has the time gone, and wondered why there does not seem to be enough hours in the day.

After a three year investigation by the temporal branch of Scotland Yard it looks like an answer to both questions has been found in an unexpected quarter.

"We found a criminal gang of procrastinators stealing time from everybody," said Detective Inspector Tim Evans. "They have been storing it in huge clocks deep under the Thames."

Thus far the gang have refused to reveal what they have been storing the time up for, but theories abound from time travel to eternal youth. Police have drafted in Steven Hawkins, who has written a book on the subject.

"Hawkins has several theories himself, unfortunately, none of these seem applicable to this particular case," said Evans. "I fail to see how black hole radiation has anything to do with stealing time."

Now that the gang have been captured, police are hopeful that the country will have the time to do the things that it needs to do.

"We are also looking for ideas on how to use this vast reservoir of time," said Evans. "Initially, we feel that we can improve the efficiency of the British rail network by having more trains on time, or even ease traffic congestion by shrinking it to a rush quarter hour."

Evans warns that more procrastination gangs might still be out there.

"People should always be vigilant," said Evans. "If you suspect that everyday tasks are taking too long, please contact the Temporal Division of Scotland Yard. We never prosecute for wasting our time!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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