In a total sham, which left the Queen in tears and Prince William berating the injustice, the 'FIFA Fools' went for Russia to stage the 2018 World Cup.
'It is clearly a fix' declared William 'the Russians got it because they backed Qatar to get the 2022 World Cup.'
'He's a bad loser' said President Putin 'the West has declared us corrupt but our triumph has shown them we have the Power to Succeed.'
'Does that mean the Russians have to learn the Guitar by 2022?' asked a baffled England fan. The distress felt in the English countryside, where a Russian winter has set in with temperatures to compare to Moscow's, was witnessed by everyone. 'How could they do it and England not even in the last two. It's a travesty' complained Harry Rednapp.
'We must put on a brave face' advised David Beckham 'we still have the 2012 Olympics.' But David Cameron was in a state of shock: 'How could FIFA have failed to be won over by our great public relations promotion? I now have to face the future without this success to my name. It's a scandal.'