Written by j.w.
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Thursday, 2 December 2010

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Coffin Owner Sells Up

The auction of the coffin of the person who was said to have killed President Kennedy in 1963 is likelly to set a new trend in antiques.

With bidding starting at £600 there are likely to be sereral ghouls eager to possess something supposedly linked to Kennedy. The fact that Oswald was framed by America's CIA is disregarded by those who think their Government is always right.

The undertakers who will benefit are the ones who re-buried Oswald after a dispute among relatives who qustioned whether a lookalike had been buried in his place. As it was indeed Oswald he was re-intered and the first coffin is the one on sale.

Undertakers have been examining their records to see if there are any other coffins worth digging up. 'Business is always steady' said one 'but with people living longer we need a boost to our incomes.'

High on the list is the Queen Mother's coffin but all royalty coffins would attract attention. Others would like to have the coffins of killers in their front rooms and Myra Hindley's coffin would fetch a high price.

With so many people being cremated coffins are becoming scarce. A business in old coffins is attractive to those who want to economise on their funerals. As one elderly gent said: 'I will get the chance to lie in it and get used to the atmosphere.'

Coffinologists meet in deep caves in the Mendip hills and carry out mock funerals to raise a little excitement. 'Sex in a coffin is a real knock out' confessed one shapely damsel 'it is really exciting to imagine a dead bodies penis inserting itself into you. You have to imagine a lot as the penis decays pretty quickly, but its worth it.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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