Print this

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

image for Popular telly hostess acquitted of stalking, harassment charges
Doo doo process? Lady Justice Sterne-Battylaxe, who dismissed the case.

Somewhat remembered television presenter Yvonne Fielding was set free in court today on charges she stalked and harassed WikiLeaks founder Julian Asshat.

In compelling testimony before Lady Justice Constant Sterne-Battylaxe, Fielding said she was simply trying to secure Asshat's agreement to appear as a celebrity ghost in a planned revivial of the series Most Haunted.

"I thought it made a great deal of sense," Fielding told the court. "He's obviously not afraid of publicity, he looks a lot like Derek Acorah, at least in night vision, and, bascially, he's a goner. From the Interpol to Sarah bloody Palin, everybody with a gun is on the hunt for him, aren't they?"

Represented by the firm of Carl and Stewart, Fielding sought to convince the court she was acting under the pressure of the new world of media.

"If I was doing this six hundred years ago, I would have only needed a quiet word with Fergie before she took that final walk from the Tower. These days you have to close the deal while anybody still cares. The whole world's gone A.D.D. I mean, one day everybody knows your name and the next you're valueless because The Daily Mail thinks Sienna Miller might be having it off with Gary Lineker."

Asked on cross examination if she had not got the corpse before the horse, Fielding replied:

"It was just a little forward thinking. Look, you can't piss off the most powerful governments in the world and expect to die in your sleep aged 90, can you?"

Make Catherine the Average's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 4?

5 6 11 8
42 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more