Written by Rob Stimpson
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Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Top lexicographers have today announced new additions to, and definitions for, the words within the English language dictionary. Of these additions and revisions, however, there stands a solitary point of controversy - the word "gay" will now have the following new definitions to stand alongside those already in place, notably those meaning 'happy' and 'homosexual':

- referring to a situation or event that is unsatisfactory
or undesirable.
- referring to a person who is annoying in nature.

One of the senior lexicographers, who wishes to remain nameless, claims that the definition is merely "moving with the times" and ensuring that dictionaries and thesauri "stay hip with the kids". The lexicographer went to great lengths to distance the decision of his colleagues with any form of homophobic activity. Moreover, he simply claimed that the new definition was a "realistic reflection of the majority of society", and thus, "it cannot be us that has demonised this term - blame society".

The decision has not been taken lightly, that much is clear. Six months of research was dedicated to the word "gay" alone, and it was deemed that enough people use the word in a derogatory sense, yet not specifically designed to insult homosexuals. As such, the new definitions were given the green light and will be appearing in new editions of dictionaries and thesauri within three months.

Naturally, though, this news has sparked outrage in the gay (meaning homosexual) community. A spokesperson for the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender group has slammed the decision, stating that it "makes a mockery of an already homophobic society denying gay and lesbian people their due rights". The reason for the anger is centred around the negative aspect of the definition with a word that is already universally used to describe homosexual people. As the LGBT spokesperson points out, "this further stigmatises an already demonised lifestyle choice". The spokesperson went on to argue that "if a set of unsatisfactory events is labelled as 'gay', or an annoying person is labelled as the same, then it will only lead to people linking all definitions of the word with purely negative thoughts". The spokesperson used the example of the now archaic definition of the word meaning "cheery and happy", which is now all but a distant memory to pensioners only.

These protests, however, have been dismissed as gay.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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