The CEO and co-founder of the multinational toilet company Wiki-Leaks Loos has been found dead, washed up on the banks of the River Thames.
Damien Brown's demise was not thoroughly unexpected because he did tell close friends and colleagues that he had nothing left to live for after his Revolutionary new Loo design got leaked online before it was even released in his flaship shop in Shropshire.
The leak meant that Japanese and Chinese Loo companies were able to copy his fantastic designs and mass market them in a well known supermarket. It left him heart broken and bankrupt. But he did have one love in his life that he was quite reluctant to leave behind.
That love was Katie Waissel from the X-factor. His love for Katie kept him alive for probably 5 more days longer than he was expected to live for. He felt that because Katie was so unpopular he needed to stay alive so that he could vote for her to stay in the competition. He felt she needed every vote she could get.
But when she got voted out on Sunday night, he left a suicide note and jumped out of the window of his Thameside appartment. He was not seen again until his body was found by a beach-comber on the Thames Estuary on Tuesday morning.
He will be sadly missed by his family, who are glad they've found his body so soon after it fell in the river. It means it hasn't been too waterlogged and they might even be able to celebrate his passing in the traditional family way.
Ever since his grandfather died in the year 1919, it has been traditional for the CEO of Wiki-Leaks Loos to be cremated and flushed down the toilet. It seems that Damien Brown will be no different. He will be flushed down a proper English Wiki-Leaks Loo next Tuesday. Katie Waissel has been invited to attend the solemn event as guest of honour. It is not known if she has accepted the offer, but it was hoped that she would do the ceremonial depressing of the toilet flush button.
By Katarina Frogpond.