Written by Jimbo123
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Cheryl Cole says - "Big bums get small rings"
Don't chafe your ring

'Up the duff' - the popular wedding glossy has conducted a survey that will dash the hopes of millions of fat brides hoping to ride away with their new husband on a very strong horse.

The straw poll discovered that most men would rather have a slim 'nutjob' rather than bubbly bouncing 'roundhouse' and of those that intended to marry a 'big unit' the average engagement spend was a paltry £500 compared to £5000 for a stunning but drunk WAG.

Scientists in New York meanwhile discovered that the size of the diamond on engagement day is inversely proportional to the brides weight to a peak at 60kg but failing sharply at the anorexic end. The no of carats was given as follows;

Bride Weight -- Diamond

10kg -- No data available
20kg -- No data available
30kg -- Dwaft bride in Tibet - received a goat
40kg -- 0.2 carats
50kg -- 0.7 carats
60kg -- 1.2 carats
70kg -- 1.0 carats
80kg -- 0.8 carats
90kg -- 0.6 carats
100kg -- 0.4 carats
200kg -- Hired a fork-lift instead

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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