The highly effective editor of "The Spoof" website has been voted the United Kingdom's "Weirdest Crush", in a new poll run by the obscene magazine "What?"
The magazine that noboby has ever heard of asked the entire UK population to name their weirdest man they'd love to spend a romantic evening sharing spaghetti bolognese, before returning to the flat for a cup of "coffee".
Surprisingly, 60% of the British Female Force, or the BFF for short, voted for Lowton on account of his "dashing looks", "amazing typing skills" and a "sexy moustache most men would die for".
This user, codenamed "Yoda4201", stated how she loved Lowton's "no-nonsense attitude. He gives you thumbs. He fucks about with your mind. And he's always so complimentary about his techniques. Would I do Mark Lowton? Maybe,"
Second place went to the Spoof's very own Skoob1999, who was unavailable to comment at the time as he was assembling a model railway in his shed.
Third went to Russell Howard, whereas fourth place went to Monkey Woods: boosted by his featured success as Featured Writer this Friday.
As for Lowton? He celebrated the result with three glasses of pear and lemonade, before returning to his keyboard with the following remark:
"It's about time I got some recognition!"