An elderly woman from Margate was recovering today after her back door was smashed in by a rampaging Rottweiler dog.
The pensioner was bending over to feed her cat when all of a sudden she felt a furry presence between her legs - as the cat flicked its tail up in anticipation of being fed some tasty tuna chunks.
All of a sudden she experienced a stabbing pain in her lower back as if she'd been probed by a large angry beast - but she realized it was just her sciatica and she hadn't taken her medication this morning.
As she staggered back in pain a large cock touched her behind - it was the chicken she was preparing for her husband's supper that was precariously balanced on the kitchen work surface.
Then there was an almighty crash as a rampaging dog came through the cat flap in the back door, breaking it in the process. It charged in to the kitchen and immediately set off in pursuit of the pensioner's cat.
'The smell of my cat must have driven the dog wild' said the old woman. 'But there was no need for it to damage the back door and the cat flap.'
'It must have been desperate for a taste of my pussy but it came in the wrong hole and now I've got to clean up the mess.'
'Having your back door smashed in is a right pain in the backside' she added angrily.
The dog was eventually caught and returned to its owner.
The cat was unharmed and enjoyed its fishy feast in peace.
The pensioner cleared up the damage but her back door was later smashed in again when her husband returned home drunk after spending all day at his local pub.