Written by matthatt
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Saturday, 27 November 2010

image for Local man in war of attrition over toilet roll with flatmate.
I will have to smack the end of it against the empty tube.

A local man has been left reeling and shell shocked following an all out attempt by his flat mate to not change the toilet roll in the shared bathroom of their house this evening.

The trouble all began earlier today when the unnamed house sharer, who is thought to be a vegetarian lodger or possibly an herbaceous boarder, finished the last slice of bog roll but refrained from bothering to think of anyone else, by not replacing the spent cardboard tube with a fresh, buxom and bountiful new roll of clinker cleaner.

'I went for a wee earlier and noticed the last wispy strand of drip catcher swaying from the susurrations slipping through the soil sanctuary ingress.' Said the nonplussed recipient of the toilet tissue related slight. 'I thought to myself at the time that I wasn't going to change it if no one else will. Why should I?'

After a few hours the local man had need to frequent the same shared lav' following an indulgence in fermented fizzy water, only to find that his fellow house sharer had still not replaced the offending tube.

'I know he had been in the bathroom since my last visit, I sat by my bedroom door listening to see if he would go in there and he did. TWICE! And he still didn't change the bog roll. I suppose I will have to do it now but I haven't got time to go round cleaning up after other people!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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