Written by ExiledRoyal
Print this

Saturday, 27 November 2010

image for Supermarket to pioneer "Roadkill" range
Coming to a Dinner Plate near you

Supermarket giants Tesbury's are to roll out a new line of food entitled "Roadkill", and aim to introduce it as a viable alternative to other supermarket's budget brands.

"Every day hundreds of kilos of perfectly good meat is left to rot on our roads," spokespersonnage Fee Demall tells us. "Tesbury's have spotted a gap in the market, and aim to collect as much as we can every day in specially designed Freezer Lorries. It will then be taken to depots where our army of Chefs will turn it into meals."

Tesbury's say that there will be a certain amount of difference in the pricing, depending on the rareness of the meat. Ms. Demall explains, "Obviously there are far more small birds killed than, say, badgers. So badger meat will carry an higher premium. But in these austere days we want to ensure that the British public don't go hungry."

Perhaps more controversial is the plan to employ drivers in specially adapted vehicles to actually try to run the food over. But Tesbury's counter this by saying that it's better for a few animals to die than a family go hungry. "After all, every little helps."

Initial dishes are already being tested. The Spoof has tried several of them. Amongst our favourites was:

Flat Cat
The Chicken that didn't quite make it across the Road
White Line Bovine
Beep Beep Sheep

Make ExiledRoyal's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 4?

9 6 14 20
100 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more