PICADILLY CIRCUS, London - An unidentified American tourist died today while visiting a British satirical.
The bloke had just stepped from the lift coming up from the tube. He was enjoying the many colours, odours, and flavours of Picadilly when he absent-mindedly put his luggage on the bonnet of a saloon.
The vehicle's owner was a naff arse, over fifteen stone. Sucking on a fag, he said, "Bollocks, guv, if you scratch me paint I'll shag your gob! That cost me fifty quid nine, bloody wanker!"
He pulled a spanner from the boot and held the tourist against the windscreen.
Wild with rage, he yelled, "I oughta nick your worcestershire-buggered bird, you rooney-cowelled subo tripe!"
The panic-stricken bloke got free. He ran toward a bobbie across the single-lane carriageway, but he looked the wrong way when crossing and was killed by the readers' articulated lorry.