Written by j.w.
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Friday, 26 November 2010

image for Turkey Man Ready for Christmas
Famous Meeting between George Bush and Bernard Matthews

Bernard Matthews, famous for his turkeys, has made the ultimate sacrifice just in time for Christmas. He should be ready in the shops in time for the great festivities.

'It will give my Christmas that extra oomph' said housewife Vera Mook 'to have a Matthews leg for the great meal will give us an added thrill.'

Matthews has been kept in a darkened cage most of his life with an abundance of his favourite food in order to make sure he is a plump bird ready for the table.

A mystery illness at Bernard's Norfolk farm factory a couple of years ago put some people off buying Bernard Matthews turkeys, but with this fine gesture of self-sacrifice Matthews is sure to win back anyone doubting the healthiness of his birds.

So Christmas nears and the snow falls with pretty scenes exciting children ready for toboggan lessons to replace the inner meaning of grammar. The turkeys grow fat and Bernard Matthews is up in heaven looking down with satisfaction on all the splendour of his special contribution to Christmas.

All I need to do now is stuff him in my mouth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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