London - England. ITV have today announced ambitious plans for a brand new reality game show, to be screened in October. The show, which will re-locate to Afghanistan from the Australian jungle, will feature four or five b-list assassins - all competing to be crowned "King of the Safe House". Television executives at the channel are said to be interested in approaching the failed London bombers of 21 July 2005. ITV hinted that negotiations with potential contestants were ongoing and that they hoped to secure 'an explosive mix' as befits a show of this type.
"Judging from the recent media interest and news coverage, we're pretty confident of being able to make huge pots of cash from a long drawn out show featuring these individuals," said Programme Controller David McDavids at a morning press call, "we're even hopeful of securing a deal for a satellite link-up with Richard Reid in the US."
Mr McDavids went on to reveal a few more details about the show: "Well, we'll obviously be giving them some Bushtucker Trials do to, except that we'll be re-naming them Bushbasher Trials. I don't want to give too much away but you might see one of them being asked to sing the American National Anthem, or maybe eat a pork-pie. We will be giving them prizes though, depending on the difficulty of the task and how well they do. These might range from their very own rucksack, right up to flying lessons or 80 virgins."
ITV clearly hopes ‘Bomber', as it's bound to be known, will herald an upturn in viewing figures. The channel has been accused of poor scheduling in recent years, with the public subjected to endless crap such as X Factor, Pop Idol and the news. However, some TV critics were quick to pounce on the latest announcement: "When will ITV learn that sort of thing is likely to blow up in their faces? This is hardly quality programming, is it?" said George McGeorge, "people don't want to see these has-beens trying to resurrect their careers on telly! But enough about Ant and Dec, seriously I think this show will bomb!