LONDON - As Britain is set to receive a snowy November in most parts, skeptics are denying global warming.
A new forcast by the International Weather Agency has suggested that torrents of bullshit will flood workplaces.
"Oh god..." said one disgruntled worker. "Dave in Accounting is just gonna laugh in our faces and saying 'global warming? Then why the fuck is it snowing?'. I mean, he is a Daily Mail reader, so his brain cannot comprehend long words like 'comprehend' or 'medium-to-long term'."
Many urban areas will be hit with waves of misinformed nonsense hours before the snow will, causing many people to be trapped in their homes.
This reporter had an accidental face-to-face encounter with his not-liked cousin Bill, as he likes 'Tea Party for the UK' 'Daily Mail Is Da Truth' on Facebook.
"HAHAHA!" he laughed. "Your liberal hogwash is WRONG! There is no climate change. It's all a ruse to get my money. I'm not gonna be brainwashed like you." This reporter was shocked, as he managed to string together a complex sentence using pronouns, nouns, verbs and adjectives.
Psychologists at the University of Birmingham - actual smart people, who actually know that climate change is real - have analysed the recording of Bill spouting crap.
"Oh yes," said Prof. Sheldon Hofstader. "This is not uncommon among Daily Mail and idiot right-wingers. When there is a topic where they think they're right (but they're wrong), their speech-processing abilities increase tenfold to the level of a struggling ten-year-old child. We have collaborated with some guys at the Psychological Research Facility in New York, and they've found the same thing happen with Tea Partiers, and Republicans, on stuff like taxes, immigration, abortion etc."
The MetOffice has released tips on how to spot if the Bullshit Storm (BSS) is heading in your direction and how to keep safe:
- Light drizzles of stats that aren't true
- Heavy amounts of 'I told you so', which can be refuted
- A printout of the NewScientist article about the truths of global warming
- A pair of earmuffs, or a large library of music to listen to as to block out the noises
And of course if anyone says sarcastically 'we could use some global warming', shoot them in the fucking smile. Do it. It'll keep down NHS costs for thier accidental self-injury.