Lembit Opaque, former Liberal Democrat MP, taking part in the latest 'I Was a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here', has suffered a snake bite.
'That is not fair' said Lembit 'I wasn't elected in the last Election so my pledge on student fees wasn't broken. Why couldn't the snake look out for Cable or Clegg.'
'But they are still Celebrities' I said 'maybe next year they could go to the jungle for a little excitement.'
'It's not the excitement' replied Lembit 'it's the money. It was either this or chairing 'That Was the Week That Was' and getting ridiculed in front of the whole poulation.'
Down the pub a fan of 'I Was a Celebrity' told me: 'I can't wait to see Lembit bitten by that snake which acted on behalf of the British student population.'
Others felt sorry for Opaque. 'He's a sweetie' said Deidre from behind the bar 'I could bite him somewhere if I got the chance.'
Other former Celebrities lined up already for next year's show, provided the Lib Dems are still in Parliament are the aged Tory peer Lord Young, Ann Widdiecombe the pole dancer and Prince Lord Mendelson. Mandy, who likes the jungle atmosphere, challendged any snake to have a bite nastier than his.
TV producers promised Mandy a Sound Bite in order to get him to sign his contract.