Written by ExiledRoyal
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Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Cameron's £2m quest to measure nation's happiness
The path to true happiness

Although the country is skint, David Cameron is set to spend £2m on a project on how best to measure the nation's happiness.

Labour also attempted to measure quality of life when it was in power. But then Prime Minister Tony Blair eventually abandoned the idea, after it proved too difficult to pin down.

The Tories believe they can do better because they are so much cleverer. And that makes them happy.

Government spokespersonnage Avina Larff spoke to us: "Many people don't realise what true happiness is until the day they get married. Unfortunately it's too late by then. It's often as Oscar Wilde said, 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go'."

Likely to loom large in the Tory plan is the introduction of ham sanwiches. Ms. Larff explains. "It's logical, really. I mean, nothing is better than true happiness is it? And I often say to my kids that a ham sandwich is better than nothing. So clearly a ham sandwich is better than true happiness, right?"

Critics say that the danger is a happiness index becomes a misery monitor. An excuse for people to whinge about how unfair life is to them. Labour MP Joe Keeboy says, "Everybody has the chance to turn their lives around. We used to be depressed and miserable. Now we're miserable and depressed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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