Seeking to undo the sulk inducing news that two new polls show the public prefers King William and Queen Cinderella over King Charles and Queen Camilla, the Prince of Wales demonstrated his peerless knack for bad-to-worse by announcing his darling wife is merely amongst a number of contenders to be the lucky gal who becomes his Queen.
"Oh, the possibilities are endless," sighed the petulant Prince as he opened the Organic Shampoo Festival at Headlyce. "Helen Mirren might be available, come the day, and you don't need one to explain her capacity for the job. And there's Cate Blanchett, who in my view would bring a delightfully traditional touch. Judi Dench is doubly talented and Helena Bonham-Carter has demonstrated a certain gin-and-tonicy jolliness that can't be overlooked. Camilla's always encouraged me to do exactly as I pleased and I have no doubt that if I were to say one preferred to make her redundant, she'd happily assume the position, as she has all these years."
Meantime BBC is to aid in settling the question of preferred spare tire with a new competition series, "Strictly Come Reigning." In it, members of the line of succession will vie to improve their odds of singing "God Save the Me."
Competitors will vie to best one another in categories including Ribbon Cutting, German folk dancing, Panorama Interviews, and Courtiers and Servants per Capita.
"It isn't quite an elected president," said Hempcloth Bitter-Nobody, of the tedious anti-monarchy group Repubsive, "but we'll take what we can get. Which obviously isn't much."