On the day that students once again took to the streets of Britain to complain about escalating tuition fees and broken government promises, thousands ignored them and headed off to Trafalgar Square to cheer on a group of fifteen hundred striking pole and lap dancers.
Braving icy winds and plummeting temperatures, the scantily clad beauties waved placards, sang protest songs, and jumped up and down quite a bit in order to keep warm.
It can be safely said that in the illustrious history of the grand old square, never before can it have witnessed such a vast acreage of exposed female flesh. Nor indeed seen such a massive amount of jiggling, wobbling and shaking. Indeed - in rock and roll terminology, there certainly was 'a whole lotta shakin' goin' on.'
As the protest went on, crowds of males, and a goodly number of probable lesbians began pouring into the square to ogle the gaggle of buxomly beauteous wenches.
"By the Christ," tourist Eddie Mumbai from Blackburn gasped. "I've never seen owt like this before! Bloody hell! There were one lass there, and I swear, her nips were standing to such attention ah could've hung me bloody donkey jacket on the buggers. Bloody hell!"
Foreign vistor, Cedric Singh, of New Delhi told Skoob News:
"I came to visit the National Gallery - I'd always wanted to see Constable's 'The Hay Wain' for real, ever since I clocked it on the lid of a biscuit tin as a nipper. That was impressive. But when I came out, I could hardly believe my eyes! Breasts, bottoms and writhing bodies were spread out as far as the eye could see. It was sensational. Eventually I could bear this assault on the senses no longer, so I popped back inside the National and had a quick wank in a toilet cubicle. Now I'm just waiting for my second wind. It's starting to twitch again - I just hope I can find an empty cubicle..."
Metropolitan Police officers were giving serious consideration to sealing off the square at one point, but rejected the idea of 'kettling' the crowds for fear of the consequences. Chief Superintendent Harold Scrotum told us:
"We ruled that idea out on elf n safety grounds. All them nipples bobbing up and down like that could have somebody's eye out. We fort it best to give 'em room to breave like. But me men is on stand by. If you see wot I mean, John."
The crowd has been described as 'excitable.'
More as we get it.