Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Katie Price, Radio 4

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

image for Katie Price to present Radio 4's Today programme

In another hare-brained scheme aimed at making the flagship Today programme more soft and cuddly, the BBC has announced the appointment of a series of 'guest presenters'.

Each 'guest presenter' will provide ideas for around half of the programme's content and first up will be glamour model, writer, horse woman and all-round good egg Katie Price.

It is understood that Ms Price will present topical segments on the sexual degradation of women in the media, natural health and beauty, marriage guidance and a piece about why children are not like handbags.

Ms Price had requested the use of a dressing room for three hours prior to the start of the programme. When informed that this would not be necessary, as her appearance did not matter and that listeners would not be able to see her, she flew into a rage and insisted "That's fackin' bollocks, that is. What do you mean they won't be able to see me? What's the fackin' point of asking me on the show if all they're gonna get is my whiney, squeaky voice?"

Ms Price was last seen with a studio sound engineer. It is believed that she wanted the microphone sensitivity adjusted so that listeners would be able to hear the dull thud of her silicon enhanced breasts hitting the sound desk when she sat down.

Later programmes are expected to feature Wayne Rooney sharing his thought for the year and Cheryl Cole doing a piece on being upwardly socially mobile, despite having a criminal record.

Regular Today presenter, John Humphreys, was last seen weeping into his hands and being consoled by Jeremy Paxman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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