The news that Kabul is safer than London or Glasgow has caused a rush of applications for emigration to Afghanistan. Galweigans are not so quick on the uptake as the Glasgow kiss is being used to deter people from leaving the city.
Children are particularly safe in Kabul and girls can be sure their identity is only known to their families. Thomas Twerp, interviewed at Heathrow, with his wife and family was full of great expectations for reading on the plane. He felt his family could now get away from the dangers of terrorism in London. 'This is the chance for a life free of knives and car fumes where donkeys and welcoming arms can be found on every corner' declared Thomas. The young Twerps were equally enthusiastic and are set to study Islam.
Boris Johnson called the claim about Kabul being safer than London 'Total rot'. He thought such statement completely ignored the excitement of the Olympic Games and the expectations of Cross Rail.
In Glasgow, haggis and whisky parties for those leaving for Kabul with poems by Robert Burns, gave the few emigrants for Afghanistan, who had avoided the Glasgow kiss, a glow of Scottish pride to take with them. A Bagpipe band at the airport sent the lucky few on their way with a beautiful howl.