In a mad scramble to obscure the revelation he has long planned for Camilla, Duchess of Co-Respondent to become Queen, The Prince of Wales has suggested his second wife might alternatively become a one-legged pirate trawling the waters off the coast of Africa or a contestant on Britain's Got Talent.
"My darling wife could very possibly be any number of things in the future. Who knows what the good Lord has in store?" wrote the Prince on his Facebook page. He further posted: "Queen was just an example that sprung to mind. Nothing's been decided", followed by a winking emoticon that was later deleted.
The effort to put the cat back in the bag followed a bid to slip the idea of Queen Camilla under the radar in the general gushing flowing from the Wills and Waity engagement announcement. However Clarence House officials were forced to concede people aren't as stupid as they believed, following a series of reaction headlines including "People Aren't as Stupid as Charles Believes."
In a hastily arranged paddle and photo call at the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Gutter, the Prince told the press:
"At that moment, you see, one was just imagining a vision for Britain in the future. Free associating. Dipping one's toe in the water of what might be, as you see one doing here, this afternoon, in the waters of this memorial to one's darling late ex-wife done in the modern style, my views on which are well established. I say my darling second wife might be Queen because she's married to me, who might be King. Then again, she's already got a marvellous parrot, which makes her an ideal candidate to resume her interest in piracy in the future. And the parrot can sing a phenomenal version of Der Freischütz. With a little effort on Camilla's part, they might sing a duet in any number of television talent shows. Anything's possible. Absolutely anything. In fact I must say that becoming Queen is the least likely outcome, given her range of talents and alternatives. No one should read this as a cynical attempt to capitalize on the bloody news cycle going our way for once."