BIRMINGHAM - Across the country, metaphors are becoming true due to lack of vocabulary in citizens.
The average person has roughly 5000 words in their vocabulary, with university students having 8000, and chavs having fifteen.
Due to this lack of vocabulary, metaphors and similes are causing these similes to come true.
The first one happened in an English lesson at a secondary school, where students were comparing their creative writing pieces.
"Firstly," recalled the teacher, Mr. Gurney. "One child had a great imagery of a dolphin splashing like a drowning child, which then made the entire classroom flood! Another child had a story where a giant robot tore through the city--" We ducked as lasers hit a statue of the school's founder. "Utter chaos."
Of course, this literary weirdness is not limited to English lessons.
At several high-street music chains, defecation oozed into the streets, due to their pop charts being utter crap.
"We've also have computer users complaining that faeces are pouring out of thier hard drives and iPods," said a spokesman for Norton Security, who have said that many houses are now inhabitable.
Luckily, for many people, the set of ITV's X-Factor has been subject to a clean-up operation which will last a year... mostly because the brown stuff wont stop flowing out.
The set was then demolished by a giant robot on the loose.
As of press time, this reporter changed into Albert Einstein after being called 'as smart as Einstein' by his aunt.