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Friday, 19 November 2010

image for Commuters blame royal wedding hex for Bond Street tube jumper
The wedding's first casualty jumped in front of the 12.04 to Effing Forest

London - (Mind The Gap Mess): The blighted royal wedding claimed its first victim when a polo playing pal of Prince Charles jumped in front of a Central Line train on Wednesday.

Commuters said a worried looking 'toff' was reading freesheet Kate & Wills to Tie Royal Knot Hurrah! headlines when his face came over all queasy-looking.

Photos of the engaged couple appeared to affect him badly because he suddenly turned awfully greenish and threw himself under the 12.04 to Epping Forest.

Station staff described the ensuing pandemonium as horrrendous as the smell of scorched flesh and expensive brogues filled the platform, causing people to retch and faint.

Traumatised tube train drive Dave Brown said it was his third jumper in two years.

He blamed people's stupidity and selfishness for targetting underground trains instead of traditional methods such as jumping off Beach Head or Archway Bridge.

His cab windows had to be hosed down with industrial solvent and much of the front carriage will now need a trip to the panel beaters to get it back into shape.

A spokesperson for Clarence House said today it wasn't their fault and besides, these whorsy polo playing types are always falling off, mostly from their steeds, but sometimes elsewhere.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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