Written by Nick Hobbs
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Friday, 19 November 2010

image for Shock: Tragedy Strikes At Isle Of Wight Garlic Festival
Madonna, running from Brucie at this years IoW Garlic Festival

Tragedy struck at this years annual Isle Of Wight Garlic Festival.

The festival, which has been running for over 25 years, is a mixture of food, entertainment and fun. Attracting larger and larger crowds each year, the organiser's have had their work cut out trying to find suitable acts to perform for the crowds, as they travel from stall to stall, work-station to work-station.

Event organiser Pippa Longboat told us "we were so looking forward to this years event, but we never expected this sort of thing to occur!"

The trouble started when the organiser's booked Bruce Forsyth as compère for the event.

Not being familiar with Forsyth's working methods, and the fact Forsyth had recently changed management, the planets were aligning for disaster.

Booking his services through an agent, the dates were arranged after much haggling over monetary issues. All was set, then disaster hit.

Upon arrival at the event it transpired that Forsyth had not been told exactly what the festival was all about. Being a vampire he was understandably upset at his surroundings.

The 872 year old stood, aghast, hissing and shrieking at all and sundry. A small child was in tears, and men and women scattered, unsure as to the cause of the commotion.

Trying to grasp control of the situation, an event marshal approached the distressed creature of the night and demanded he 'pipe down'. After sinking his fangs in to the throat of the hi-vis wearing hero, Forsyth fled towards a small recipe book stall.

Unfortunately for the star the stall was entering in to the spirit of things, by giving away a free bulb of garlic with every purchase. So one half of the stall was entirely stacked with crates of fresh garlic.

Barrelling in to the display at speed, Forsyth cried out in quite obvious agony. Thrashing and cursing, as if touched with holy water, the vampiric dance jockey began to steam, as his body slowly melted.

Paramedics had been called and rushed to the scene. They managed, with help from the fire brigade, to pull Brucie from the garlic, and immediately began to perform resuscitation.

Forsyth is back resting in his coffin, vowing never to agree to any performance, without first ensuring the exact details of the event.

A memorial is to be held for Les Carbuncle, the hi-vis hero, in Brading town hall this sunday, just before the school roof fund charity cricket match.

All residents are welcome.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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