Notorious womaniser Silly Berlyconni, Italian Prime Minister has had a new penis built onto a Roman statue in his apartment. It is to celebrate another Roman Conquest in the fields near Venice.
'So I liker de wimmin. Sow what?' he angrily replied to my question about the new penis. Sow seeds you dirty old man, I thought. But I was afraid to say it.
I felt small, but was beginning to grow. I could stand up for myself! 'You are the laughing stock of Europe' I told him 'you bring shame on Italy!'
'Taker dis erman away' he shout and a warrior dressed in the gear of ancient times led me away.
As I passed the chambers of Berlyconni's castle I saw lightly clad maidens waiting to be summoned to Silly's presence.
I asked one nubile beauty why she did this job. 'Because I want to' she replied 'now bugger off'.
'But I don't want to see the Pope' I explained.
'You come to this country and tell us how to behave. English men have no balls. That is why you condemn our great leader.'
I withdrew. It was the custom to do that in this Catholic country. But I had learnt that the Roman Empire, which had given us straight roads, had a certain charm that was difficult to resist.