Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Animals, Parliament

Friday, 22 July 2005

image for Gerbil find update, RSPCA seizes another 550 rodents from Houses of Parliament
The Houses of Parliament are swarming with vermin.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA) has found another stash of rodents. However, this time, they appear to have mutated into a viscous snarling mouth frothing breed that will certainly have to be culled by the most humane means available to the hard pressed officers or at the very least kept in strict isolation from humans to stop the spread of disease into the general population. The discovery was made this morning around 11.40 by visitors from members of the general public.


The size and strength of these particular rodents have caused additional mayhem in that they have gnawed virtually all the interior of the building as well as chewing half the speakers' chair. In the rodents frantic search for food they have gnawed the floorboards, cables and even nibbled at the lead in the window frames. Giant rat droppings abound and the stench of urine and rotting faeces brings a tear to the strongest mans eye. The visitors were surprised by the extent of the devastation and the appalling stench, so automatically the RSPCA were called immediately.


The clean up process will halt the commons for several weeks as first the sneaky animals have to be individually captured, labelled, and inspected for rabies and other similar illnesses before being despatched to a holding centre in Portland Down. This is not the first time that the Houses of Commons has been infested with vermin. Similar infestations occurred previously in 1997 and 2001. Once the animals have been finally removed into isolation holding units the actual building cleaning and rebuilding can start.


RSPCA spokesman Peter Butler said, "This time we have to prosecute the owners of these animals, a mistake can happen once, the second time we have a written warning but the third offence must be charged with the full force of the law." Currently, expert officers are trying to establish just why and how this disgusting awful mess had occurred.


However, the government office responsible for the House of Commons explained, "Legally, once the currently infected animals have been removed and the complete building cleaned and refurbished, it will be necessary to hold national elections again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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