Written by Ellis Ian Fields

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Thursday, 18 November 2010

image for Royal Wedding X Factor Terror
A wedding, yesterday.

Frantic negotiations have been taking place behind the scenes in a bid to make sure Katie Waissell is not allowed anywhere near the Royal Wedding next year.

Tom Jones has already offered to perform and as he is considered a national treasure, insiders think he may be a possibility.

But royal planners are terrified that Simon Cowell wields so much power that he will ensure his X Factor 'stars' will be 'invited' to perform at the celebrations for the wedding of Prince William and Ms Kate Middleton.

A source close to an insider at Clarence House told us: "It's great that Tom Jones has already offered to perform, but there is a very real fear that Cowell and his cohorts are so powerful that they could get X Factor contestants on the bill for the entertainments.

"He's already virtually cornered the Christmas charts, now he sees an opportunity to move into state occasions.

An X Factor insider confirmed this thinking: "Elton playing at Princess Diana's funeral set off a light in Simon's head and he's been waiting for his chance ever since."

Our informants in the X Factor camp also confirmed that Katie Waissel was planning another meltdown during this weekend's show, designed to get her into the wedding plans.

"She's going to demand, on air, that she be allowed to perform for the happy couple and when no promise is forthcoming she is going to go absolutely ballistic and bring the show to a standstill.

"She will fail to finish her song and throw herself to floor screaming.

"Simon will try to hide his feelings, but it's clear this will do his business no harm at all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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