In these times of government imposed austerity, the Royal Family have been warned not to indulge themselves in their usual excesses, when the time comes for Prince William and Kate Middleton to marry.
Palace officials are acutely aware that the country is doing it tough and that people are struggling to make ends meet. In light of this, plans are being drawn up for a low profile wedding, more akin to what most people experience.
Leslie Humpington-Arsewipe-Smyth, Keeper of Prince Charles' Privy, said "This has been an awful experience for us. We have really scraped the bottom of the barrel to keep the critics happy.
"The ceremony will be held at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses in Watford, which costs a piecemeal tenner a day to hire. The reception will be catered for by Meals on Wheels and the wedding present list will be available at all good branches of Poundstretcher. Security for the event will be provided by the All England Chapter of the Hell's Angels, who only want a bag of weed each.
"After the marriage, the Royal Couple will spend a fortnight of their honeymoon on half-board at Butlins in Skegness, followed by a mini-cruise on the Pride of Bilbao car ferry. You must excuse me, but I think I want to cry. This is perfectly horrid".
Prince Charles is reported to be aghast at how events are unfolding. He was heard complaining to a footman, "This is going to work out cheaper than dear Grand Mama's funeral".