HELL-HOLE (Former LONDON) - Londoners were surprised to hear that their city is actually a piece of hell.
London, also known as Posertown (to this reporter), Londonium, Capital, Shit-On-Thames, and to the rest of the world, England, was uncovered as one of the Devil's places on Earth.
London, which is actually four cities put together, is considered the largest metropolitan area in the UK, however that honour actually belongs to the slightly better city of Birmingham.
"I fucking live in a studio apartment," said one Posertownian. "with a rent of £500 a month. Just so I can live in the capital. Really? I could get a better-looking place in some other city centre, and still have money left over for a plasma telly."
"I would say that staying is worth it," said another. "But smell the place. Trees? They've given up producing leaves. It smells of piss. If a deadly virus was being carried around by some guy, in two hours the entire Island-in-M26 would succumb."
As most of the citizens left town, streets were clogged up, though if this was due to the news that Posertown is a hellhole, or its normal traffic, is hard to tell.
The government will relocate to Birmingham, along with every other shitty companies that lived in London.
As of press time, the remains of London will be sawn off and pushed towards any country that wants it.