London - (Portents): "Just what kind of cheapskate refuses to fork out for brand new bling anyway?" disgusted marriage guidance counsellors asked today.
"William's determined to spin out that rubbishy old Diana mythology. It could so easily backfire horribly on them both - maybe as early as by tomorrow!"
The comments come as Kate Middleton showed off the sapphire and blood-diamond engagement ring that cursed Diana's horrible marriage to Charles.
Reporters lapped it all up, comparing Kate's royal blue outfit to Ladi Di's own engagement ensemble.
The bride-to-be looked botoxed up to the eyeballs - which themselves appeared curiously 'pinned out' as if on heroin.
She eventually managed a fixed smile as camera flashlights bounced off her rock....
And somewhere in the Pont d'Alma tunnel in Paris a ghostly female figure appeared wailing 'Dodi, Dodi, what the hell have I done to deserve this?"