Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Tuesday, 16 November 2010

image for Terrorist Attack? Quick, Scarper! MPs Told.
Who can get out quickest?

Members of Parliament and the House of Lords have been told basically to 'leg it,' in the event of a terrorist attack.

And security insiders are said to have opened a book on the fastest reactions.

An email from Black Rod and the Sergeant at Arms - who are responsible for security at the Houses of Parliament - tells members and peers: "The plan is a simple one: in the event of an armed attack an urgent broadcast instruction to evacuate the estate would encourage all individuals to seek the nearest exit and move away from the area."

A source close to someone who knows someone who works in Black Rod's office, said: "'Quick, scarper' seems pretty obvious, really. But some of these people are, shall we say, a bit dense.

"Yeah, one of the guys is taking bets on what happens... will anyone do a perfect-tens swan dive into the Thames... who will do the quickest 100 meters? There are some athletic backgrounds in the House.

"Some of the girls might have trouble with their heels - but you should see these lasses move when they take their shoes off!

"Will the Lib-Dems allow the Tories to go first as the senior members of the Government? Will there be a load of stiff upper lipping 'Oh no, old man... after you?'

"Some of us reckon there should be a surprise drill - just for the hell of it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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