Written by Nick Hobbs
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Tuesday, 16 November 2010

image for Destruction: Annual Reading Festival Ruined By Spotty Youths
The usually quiet UKLA Reading Festival turns in to an impromptu Reading Fesival.

The United Kingdom Library Association's annual gathering was 'utterly ruined' says their President, Lynnette Nanook, 68.

Nanook, who has been President for over 25 years, told us she has never seen such behaviour at a UKLA event in all her days.

The annual Reading Festival, where members of the Library Association can gather and read quietly in a village hall whilst eating home baked treats, was this year over run with hairy teenagers, carrying backpacks, drinking cider and smoking 'pot'.

The event usually attracts a modest crowd of 32 people, all of whom read. They hold workshops on writing craft, and this year had a talk lined up by aa ancestor of reknowned authors Charlotte and Emily Bronte.

However, the tiny Berkshire village was mobbed by a 150,000 strong crowd of teens, looking for pills and a good time.

Nanook told us, "it seems these youths don't read much. They saw the signs we made for our Reading Festival, and must have mis-read them for their Reading Festival."

The Reading Festival is a large music event held in and on the outskirts of the town of Reading (pronounced Redding). You can see where the confusion may occur.

Nanook continued "They took over the whole area, pitching tents on the bowling green, breathing fire in the Post Office. One of our members was offered an 'E', but assuming it was some form of 'Countdown' connundrum, he asked for a consonant instead!"

Police were called to the area when the ancestor of the Bronte sisters was bottled off stage by a baying crowd chanting for My Chemical Romance. Three arrests were made. A chair was broken during the incident, and three people lost a shoe.

"It has taken a week to clear up the mess, and our sectretary, Mrs Wynn-Jenkins, is undergoing therapy for the shock of it all," Nanook continued, "Next year we're not having any sign's, we'll just advertise via radio only. And we're changing the name of our gathering to 'Tea In The Park', to avoid any confusion what-so-ever!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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