Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Marriage, Candy, stabbing

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

image for Horror: Man Maimed Over Last Rolo Snub
Mrs Steed, after being found by the limp body of her husband.

A Worcestershire man has been brutally stabbed in the leg with a fork, after eating his last Rolo, without offering it to his wife of eight years first.

The chocolatey caramel treat has long been associated with the ways of love, with their tagline being 'do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo?'

When Mrs. Steed realised her husband obviously didn't love her enough, she saw a red mist descend.

The couple were sat at home watching Strictly Come Dancing when the incident occurred.

Matthew Manners, first paramedic on the scene, told us 'we recieved a call from a distressed man, claiming he had been stabbed. We responded immediately, and upon arriving at the scene found a male in his late 30's laying infront of his sofa, with a wooden fork wedged in his thigh."

"There was blood, and the male was drifting in and out of consciousness. Police at the scene detained a woman of a similar age," he continued.

Detective Simon Palin said "the man claims that he was engrossed in a televisual feast, and eating the sugary snack, when his wife struck. It was completely unexpected, and totally over the top."

The fork, believed to be a two-pronged wooden version, the type usually associated with chip shops, was obtained by Mrs Steed at The Frying Scotsman Chip Emporium earlier that evening.

Upon completion of the couple's take-away chippy tea, Mr Steed opened a packet of Rolo's he had been saving, and began munching.

Shortly after eating a few of the sweetie treats, Mr Steed admitted he noticed an atmosphere descend upon the room, but he was unable to 'put his finger on it'. It transpires it was his wife, beginning to fume vigorously beside him, at the apparent disregard for her chocolatety well-being.

When he'd finished the last of the Rolo's, Mrs Steed screamed 'you bastard', and stabbed the fork into her husband's thigh.

Mr Steed is expected to make a full recovery. Dr Evelyn Thompson told us "I don't know what all the fuss is about, it's nothing more than a big splinter. Bloody wuss!"

Mrs Steed is having psychiatric treatment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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