Mogadishu - (Stand & Deliver Mess): Are pesky Somali pirates really working for demented cash-strapped nutters - like Mrs Thatcher's son Mark?
The reported $500,000 ransom paid for the Chandlers' release remains shrouded in mystery.
However police have traced some of the marked banknotes to a Paddington kebab shop on Saturday night.
CCTV footage shows a heavily disguised Mark Thatcher, 69, buying a Doner Special - maybe for his demented Mom's supper!
"Nah, her dentures are way too dodgy ," a Gerald Row police station desk sergeant said today.
"Probably fed it his labradoodle pet Nigella, the bastard."
A covert police op is now in place after MI5 sources hinted heavily that the nearest 'other' bastards to the Marathon Kebab Bar are the Blairs.
Tony of course is a bit of a Shish Kebab fan.
But Cherie is known for relishing to get her chompers fixated on some different, exotic juicy meat.
"She's not shagging Mark Thjatcher, if that';s what you;re implying," a Conservative Association spokesperson said today, "so jolly well farc off."